I have been living with anxiety for 10 years. There is no manual for living with something that can be so crippling. There is no guide for dealing with the root causes of anxiety or for managing on a day-to-day basis.
I suffered emotional trauma as a young person and that’s been a significant factor without doubt. Daily tasks, which would be easy for most, became almost impossible. My anxiety was so extreme and spiralled out of control. I was afraid to leave my house alone and even at the age of 20, I had to have my mum with me when walking into a shop. It felt as though I was always one step away from a panic attack.
I lived in fear and I had no coping mechanisms that worked for me. I tried extremely hard to push myself, to get better mentally, but the days were just dark and long.
In 2021, I had my beautiful little boy Ronan. I had read so many articles, so I thought I was prepared for how ‘easy’ the newborn stage was supposed to be. It wasn’t. Ronan was one month old when I was diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety.
Things got worse and quickly. My anxiety stopped me from being the mum I’d always hoped I would be. I wouldn’t sleep for days for fear of something extremely triggering happening to Ronan. I couldn’t shower or eat. I couldn’t even play with him, because I had anxiety over putting him down to tidy up toys. I felt like a failure and my heart broke for Ronan.
Reaching out for support
It wasn’t long before a support worker introduced me to Families In Mind. I was referred and had a one-to-one session with Debs who explained what support they could offer. I didn’t think twice before accepting. For Ronan, I desperately wanted to tackle my anxiety. What kind of mum can’t even play with their child?
Alongside its toddler and baby groups, Families In Mind runs a course called Enjoy Your Baby, which teaches you techniques to cope with the daily stresses and anxieties that being a first-time parent can bring, so you can just enjoy your baby.
The course was an eye-opener for me: I learned that using your senses when you’re anxious is a good way to ground yourself and bring you back to a level of comfort. Also that not everything is as it seems and that my anxiety is high when I’m in social settings, because I’m plus size. I feel like everyone is judging me and laughing at how big I am. But I learned that this isn’t the case, and using grounding techniques gives me the chance to actually take a moment to prove to my mind that no one is being mean.