I am 30 years old with a history of mental health conditions, including psychosis, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and anxiety. I also consider myself to be neurodiverse, though this has not been formally diagnosed.
Winter has always been a very mixed time of year for my mental health and associated conditions. I remember when I was in the prodromal stage of psychosis (before entering my first episode of psychosis and being diagnosed), this time of year was especially hard; I remember feeling very isolated and the colder air and temperature felt like an analogy of how I was feeling internally – cold and in despair.
Highs and lows
That said, sometimes my mental health during this period has been at the other extreme, and I have felt emotionally ‘high’ with expectation of my birthday (which is on Christmas Eve), Christmas Day and New Year and then crashed back down to earth during January and February.
When I was studying, workloads could also build up around the winter breaks and I struggled with the stress and anxiety of having to complete work, while trying to relax. However, for some years now, I have felt much better during winter, and I have been fortunate to enjoy many beautiful and positive Christmas breaks celebrating with family and friends, as well as enjoying the festive period at work.
I work as a learning support assistant in a local further education college, supporting students with special educational needs and disabilities. During the last winter academic term, when I was unwell with my mental health, I had some amazing support from the college and my colleagues. It's also enjoyable to spend the winter term with students and fellow learning support assistants, as we help with Christmas parties, arts, crafts, music and more.
During the Christmas break, some services are closed or have different working patterns, so that can make it difficult for me to speak to someone who I regularly speak to if I am in need. I use mental health phone lines and I have also used crisis centres during this time on a few occasions.
Physical health and the value of exercise
I can get physically unwell, too, with common seasonal illnesses that tend to always hit during the holidays, which again affects my ability to cope with my mental health. Also, during the winter holidays, I spend a lot of time by myself indoors due to the weather and shorter days, which doesn’t help my underlying schizophrenia and anxiety. Indeed having too much time to think often leads to further internal distress and makes symptoms worse.
Exercise has always been an effective strategy to alleviate my anxiety, schizophrenia symptoms and mood generally, so I try to continue going to the gym. If it is too wet or cold to travel there, I do some fitness at home using online videos.
If I can, I continue playing tennis outdoors, but if it gets too cold or wet, I sometimes switch to an alternative indoor sport/exercise during winter, such as badminton and swimming. I like to cook hot, nutritious meals during winter, as they help my mood and make me feel comforted with the temperature and flavours of the food.
My sleep patterns have always been an issue for me, and the shorter days tend to affect this, so I am still trying to improve my night-time sleep routine. I find that going out for short walks during the day, especially during the morning to get morning light, can help me stay awake during the day and sleep better at night.
Maintaining structure
As far as my neurodiversity goes, any changes to my normal structure and routine affect me. I have strategies to manage this now, including using online planning software and detailed notes on my mobile to plan out each day and week and make sure I maintain some structure during this time.
It also helps me to remember what I have done, so that I can continually self-reflect to move forward, including balancing my mental health. If I am not studying for a course, I also try to continue practising skills, reading books/articles or working on something – whether it be work-based, creative or the like (such as this article!).
Christmas, New Year and other traditions can bring different social expectations, and I always try to reach out to friends where I can. This may be to help others who are going through difficult experiences themselves or just to catch up with people during these periods, which helps me stay socially engaged.
During the breaks, however, I can spend too much time on social media. Sometimes I regret aspects of what I communicate and share (usually when I am feeling unwell), because of the effect it may have on others. So this year, I am trying to manage this, spend less time on social media and consider the social expectations of others. However, communication about my mental health generally is vital for me, as it helps family and friends support me to stay balanced mentally – and it helps me to manage daily tasks and activities.
After over ten years of diagnosis with medicated mental health conditions, I can still have accentuated highs and lows during the winter affecting my conditions. But I feel that I am getting better at coping during the winter, partly because I am more aware of how the season affects me and partly because I have developed positive strategies to get me through the winter months.