A queer perspective on the power of kindness

February 2026

For LGBT+ History Month, our peer support volunteer, Fox, highlights the power of kindness to others and ourselves and offers their top five tips for queer self-care

Throughout February's LGBT+ History Month, we honour the lives of LGBTQIA+ people past and present and look forwards together to a more inclusive future. To celebrate, I'd like to offer my reflections about the importance of kindness, the cost of being unkind and what my own mental health journey has taught me about being kind to myself and others.

Mahatma Gandhi once said: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” His words remind us that we all have the power to change the world, one act of kindness at a time.

But why is kindness to others important? How can we all shape a kinder future? And how can we all be a little kinder to ourselves?

The cost of unkindness

LGBTQIA+ people are at particular risk of facing unkindness. This may come in the form of social exclusion, discrimination, bullying or even violence. LGBTQIA+ youth are bullied in school at a significantly higher rate than their straight, cisgender peers, and the latest Home Office statistics show that there were over 21,000 hate crimes targeting LGBTQIA+ people recorded between March 2024 and March 2025 in England and Wales.

This unkindness comes at a steep cost. With negative treatment by others, such as bullying, being a strong and consistent risk factor for youth suicide, LGBTQIA+ youth are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their straight, cisgender peers.

Rates of mental illness are higher in LGBTQIA+ people, in particular, rates of depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. This phenomenon is explicable using the “minority stress model”, which attributes the higher rates of mental illness amongst LGBTQIA+ people to the unique stressors faced by members of stigmatised minority groups.

"LGBTQIA+ people are at particular risk of facing unkindness... This unkindness comes at a steep cost. With negative treatment by others, such as bullying, being a consistent risk factor for youth suicide, LGBTQIA+ youth are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their straight, cisgender peers."

Fox
Fox edited on beach

I am transgender and have experienced bullying because of it. Whilst it is impossible to speculate what proportion of my mental ill health has been caused by the anti-LGBTQIA+ sentiment in our society, I cannot help but make a link. Sometimes my self-esteem is low and I tell myself, as others have told me, that I am less worthy for being transgender. As a young adult, I turned to self-harm to cope.

But I am learning that unkindness to ourselves has a cost, too, and so I try to be kinder to myself. I am living in recovery from self-harm, and some days that is very difficult. But I cannot tell you how happy I am that I have given it up.

Towards recovery

In the past I have lost both jobs and relationships to self-harm; now, I have reached a baseline level of happiness that I once thought was impossible for me and I am volunteering again for the first time in several years.

Recovery has meant being kind to myself. For me, this looks like:

  • remembering my self-care
  • taking medication
  • being in long-term therapy
  • using positive affirmations to claim what I like about myself
  • using coping techniques when I get urges to self-harm (my personal favourite is dunking my head in a bucket of cold water)
  • investing myself in hobbies that I find fulfilling (I love creative writing and photography)
  • finding other ways of channelling my anger, hurt and frustration
  • learning to accept myself as an LGBTQIA+ person.

I now use the “friend test”: if I get a negative intrusive thought about myself, I ask myself if I would say that to a friend; if I answer no, I try not to say it to myself either. Find whatever works for you and make kindness to yourself a habit.

Fox's five tips for queer self-care

Find yourself

Oscar Wilde, a 19th-century author who was imprisoned for being gay, once advised us: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken”. The beauty of humanity, I believe, is its diversity, and to live as your authentic self in a world that tells you to conform is an act of both beauty and power. Explore yourself, get to know yourself. You don’t have to have all the answers now (in my experience, finding yourself as an LGBTQIA+ person is more of a continuous journey than a fixed event). Explore which sexuality and gender labels work for you (if any). Dive into some good queer literature and film (this has been both an important comfort to me at times of isolation and a useful tool for me to explore my own identity).

Find your community

Five years ago, I moved to live in Brighton, once described as the “gay capital of Britain”, which has been a blessing. Having more LGBTQIA+ people in my life has been a huge factor in my self-acceptance and attending more LGBTQIA+ events, such as socials, book clubs and support groups, has helped me grow in confidence.

Find safe online spaces

The internet can be a fantastic place to find community. There are plenty of support groups online, as well as good information on LGBTQIA+ issues from charities such as Stonewall. However, it is important to look after yourself online and keep yourself safe from bullying. For me, this has meant using less social media.

Find inclusive support

Here at West Sussex Mind, I help to run the LGBTQIA+ mental health support group. There are also helplines, such as Switchboard for LGBTQIA+ people and Mindline Trans+ for trans and non-binary people. With conversion therapy still being legal in the UK, it can be daunting to find an inclusive therapist. Check out Pink Therapy’s website to find a list of LGBTQIA+-friendly therapists in your area.

Find your voice

With so much prejudice still in the world, I find that getting involved with LGBTQIA+ activism can be a good way to channel my anger productively. But remember to take on only as much as feels manageable and that activism can take a lot of different forms – from writing to your MP or attending a protest to simply existing in the world as an LGBTQIA+ person. To close with more wise words from Gandhi, you can “be the change you want to see in the world”.

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