Mark's story: how reaching out for support changed the trajectory of a young life

"I feel like I have grown so much through West Sussex Mind’s young people’s service. If I hadn’t been able to get support here, my parallel life feels unimaginable. I’m immensely grateful to the service.”

A powerful testament to the importance of reaching out for support, whatever brings you to that point. For Mark, it was a chance discovery by his mum about the critical point he had reached after many years of trying to hide his low mood, anxiety and “not liking myself very much”.

Rewind to 2020. Mark was in his first year of college, blighted by sporadic in-person teaching due to the Covid pandemic, and was feeling academic pressure, as well as a sense of social isolation.

“I didn’t feel like I was doing great at college,” reflects Mark. “I knew I could get Distinctions in my BTEC, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve, feeling that I needed to prove something. I felt like an outsider at college. Although there was an area on campus for neurodivergent students [I am autistic], which was a safe space, I didn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling and kept my stress inside.”

Feeling different at school and college

Some of this wasn’t new to Mark. Having been diagnosed with autism in his early years, he began struggling with social interactions and feeling “different” during Year 8 of secondary school. His parents wanted to get him some help at the time, but Mark didn’t want to admit to himself that he was struggling, as it might “risk the social status and respect from others” he’d managed to retain and he didn’t want to lose that. But as each year of secondary school went by, he became less and less comfortable and more isolated. Add to that his expectations around having to be successful with his GCSEs and Mark describes secondary school as “a very lonely place”.

College wasn’t the new start he had hoped and Mark began experiencing greater anxiety, frequent low mood - “I got used to strongly disliking myself” - and started self-harming. Again he kept things to himself. Self-harm and suicide ideation became routine and in some senses “felt like an addiction in themselves,” observes Mark.

He toyed with the idea of communicating to his parents somehow that he was struggling and although he wasn’t ready to talk about it, he started writing down how he felt with a view to sharing it later on. “I thought that, either I will get to a stage where I seriously hurt myself or I’ll get desperate enough to ask for help.”

The turning point for seeking support

In the end, it was decided for him when, in February 2021, after leaving a family board game to relieve himself through self-harm, Mark accidentally left his implement out and his mum worked out what he was using it for. This discovery and subsequent conversation were a strange mix of “shame and embarrassment, but also relief” for Mark and he and his parents made a plan to get him some help together.

His Dad contacted a number of services on his behalf, including the Youth Emotional Support (YES) service for 11 to 18 year olds, which passed on a referral to West Sussex Mind, because Mark was due to turn 18.

Mark’s Dad accompanied him to his first appointment with a West Sussex Mind mental health worker, and Mark spoke about how he was feeling - with his Dad offering his perspective afterwards. “There was a lot to unravel,” reflects Mark. “Having my Dad there to answer some questions and give an outside perspective took the pressure off a bit.”

Mark subsequently had one-to-one sessions on his own to explore further how he was feeling and a few months later, he joined a regular online drop-in group for young people, as well as an online games group. Although he was nervous at first, he built confidence over time and enjoyed the social interaction. “I struggle to make and keep friends – not by choice – so having this interaction with other young people and a safe space away from college and university was invaluable,” says Mark.

Joining West Sussex Mind's neurodivergent group

Another big step forward for Mark was when West Sussex Mind’s young people’s service decided to create a new group for neurodivergent individuals in late 2022 - in response to seeing a greater number of neurodivergent young people come forward for support. As someone with autism, he found this decision very “validating” and continues to attend the group now.

“The group allows me to chat about aspects of being neurodivergent in a safe and non-judgemental space and to learn from staff and other members of the group. Sometimes we do a deep dive into a condition, such as ADHD or autism or a learning disability, and we discuss coping strategies and what works for us.”

Mark has also joined trips out with the young people’s service – to Arundel Cricket Ground, Lodge Hill and Brooklands Park, for example – and has done workshops with our charity to increase his knowledge about mental health, coping strategies and self-care. Indeed as time has gone on, Mark has become increasingly curious about mental health and after leaving University did some Sussex Recovery College courses, which eventually led him to become involved as an expert by experience with Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust.

Developing and using his interest in mental health

After doing a number of courses at the recovery college on topics, such as anxiety, happiness, creative writing and depression, and winning an award for his participation, he signed up to the experts by experience (EBE) programme. Since then, he has joined “working together” groups with NHS staff and other EBEs, giving a lived experience perspective on surveys and leaflets, for example, and joined a suicide prevention group. This has led to train to become a Mental Health First Aider.

“The expert by experience work has given me a productive way to explore my curiosity about mental health and to broaden by perspective by learning from others with lived experience,” says Mark. “It’s made me realise that doing things for mental health and contributing to positive changes in services really is possible.”

Mark has also started working part-time for a local electronic components firm in Littlehampton, which he is enjoying. He says that work has given him routine and focus – and, like becoming an EBE, the opportunity to be part of something bigger. “I’m very focused at work and give it my all,” says Mark. “As stores assistant, I weigh electronic components which then go to others on the shop floor to assemble. I know that I’m doing an important part of the set-up work that saves other people time – and it’s great to be part of that bigger process.”

Towards self-care and self-acceptance

Mark’s mental health is in a much better place and he is actively looking after it, using what he has learned about self-care to do calming things that bring him pleasure, such as reading, puzzling, journalling and doing jigsaws. He also challenges negative self-talk, which used to overwhelm him, now that he is better at recognising and managing his feelings. “Now I understand when I’m getting stressed, anxious or sad, and I know what to do to deal with that. Rather than catastrophising when I’m struggling, I know how to manage and regulate my feelings.”

Although Mark says he still has moments when his mental health dips, his curiosity, the learning he’s done about mental health and greater self-acceptance mean that he’s in “a much better place than I could ever have imagined, had I not sought help with the young people’s service.”

We wish Mark every success for the future and thank him for sharing his story.